Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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