I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So many bounce houses so little time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
