oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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