there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
