Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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