i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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