hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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