Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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