belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
