what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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