I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
