Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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