when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
