Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
