she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
