Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
