Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
