You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
