Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
