When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
