Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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