I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
