Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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