I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
