the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
