I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
