Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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