I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
