By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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