I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
