It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
