Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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