Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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