I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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