But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
