I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
