every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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