This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we're making bets on your personal life
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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