I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
