I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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