I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
