you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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