dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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