I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
