did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
