toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
