I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
