The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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