definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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