and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
party gras won. party gras always wins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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