I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
