I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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