Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
